We named our party play list daddy issues
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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