so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
