Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
