i jhust puked up my retainher.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I have peed in a lot of sinks
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
