On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
