forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
All I want is dick and wine.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
