Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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