how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize