I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
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