we're blogging at a bar
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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