planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
