i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
