I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Randomize
