I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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