I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
