So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
