she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
