His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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