A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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