if you like me you must not know who I am
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
