In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
