My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize