How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
