Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
