I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm eating all of the evidence.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
