I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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