I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
