I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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