Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
