A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
