She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize