If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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