I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
