Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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