Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
