I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
