I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
