he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
