I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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