so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize