the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
