Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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