apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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