I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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