I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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