The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
