Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
