quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
