8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Randomize
