that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize