My liver just broke up with me...
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
