I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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