he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
