White coat. Heels.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
