By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
