So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
