I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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