Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
