This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
