Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
