So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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