why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
