you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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