i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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